Single father hood essay


Is The Most Socially Consequential Family Trend Of Our Generation?

Because we were not married, I chose to have a paternity test done, then I hired a lawyer. The next step was legitimizing my son through a formal custody order, with child support included. Having a son at the age of 33 forced me to become more responsible, because at that point in my life I was living only for me.

I spent wildly, partied all the time and, quite frankly, was a player. Having a child got me back in school, more serious about life and wanting to live a different lifestyle.

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I was traveling back and forth overseas quite a bit on business for the first two to three years of my son's life, only seeing him once a month. While living in Beijing, China, I decided enough was enough and left a very lucrative career with a high six figure salary to be home more with my son. It was a tough decision, but it was necessary.

I completed my masters degree with honors in the summer of , with a focus on Supply Chain Management and immediately began consulting for major companies like Home Depot, Coca-Cola, NCR and others. Fast forward to , I was now a full-blown, hands-on father, spending as much time as I could with my son. He reshaped my life and gave me a new purpose and meaning.

I became a better person overall because of him. As a more responsible father, I became increasingly uneasy about his environment, his school and most of all, his performance in school. Despite living almost an hour away from him, I was very involved with his school, teachers and the PTA. Based on things I was observing and conversations that were going nowhere with his mom, I felt compelled to seek full custody.

At church one Sunday in May of , I met the woman who would become my future wife in her role as an usher. Over the course of two years, we would often speak at church. My wife developed a deep bond with my son early on, a relationship that has now spanned eight years.


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Fast forward to , I started dating my future wife and she immediately became embroiled in the first of two custody battles with me. I would lose the first custody trial, despite being prepared and having a strong case. It was a huge blow to me and my family, but I learned a lot from that trial and decided I would change my strategy and keep fighting for my son.

One Daughter's Essay - Growing up without a Dad

My son was suffering in school, despite making the honor roll each quarter, as his test scores did not match his grades. He lacked help with his homework, his grammar suffered, his vocabulary was limited and his test scores continued to plummet through out the year. My future wife, a Harvard-educated lawyer, and my good friend and frat brother, Roderick Wilkerson, an assistant district attorney, helped me develop a plan to get my son in a much better situation. My best friend, Andre Cross, went to bat for me and I geared up for what would be a very expensive and emotional trial.

It was never my intention to take my son from his biological mom.

Fatherhood, the gay way

My focus was squarely placed on what was in the best interest of my son. I sought custody again in February , when my son abruptly moved to another state with his mom, whom had recently remarried.

I had never met the man to whom she was now married to. I was put in contact with one of the top child custody lawyers in the state and things began to develop. I knew I had an uphill battle, as it is almost no chance of a father gaining custody of his children in the state of Georgia. Often times, you have to prove within a reasonable doubt that the mother is unfit to raise the child or children.

My son was doing reasonably well in school and had no other issues on the surface.

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Patton Oswalt's Year Of Magical Parenting | GQ

His teacher at the time testified that he was a thriving student. I began the year of planning for my own wedding. On the other hand, he gets to call you whatever he likes, kiddo. What about the new parental equality? Mother now often brings home the bacon, or at least her fair share of it; why shouldn't she expect Father to share child-nurturing duties along with other household tasks?

That's for parents to work out between themselves, but as far as most kids are concerned, the sources of parental power are not the same. Motherpower is rooted in love, fatherpower in authority. The ultimate maternal sanction is "This would break your Mom's heart. Perhaps nurturing is not unnurtural for a man, but it's something women are usually better at. Father is better at appearing to lay down the law, especially when a tacit understanding exists that Mother is the senior partner in decisions ranging from bedtime to budgeting for kids' clothes to advice on premarital sex.

Essay about Single Fatherhood

Mothers, cops and welfare reformers know that the lack of a "father figure" in so many broken homes, or single-mother families, is one big cause of misdirected youth. That's why it's good for all of us to exhort nubile males to drop the sex-as-sport attitude and take up their responsibilities as fathers.

What psychological incentive can we give young fathers to do their duty? With all its trials -- the nights awake, the worries about not spending quality time, adolescent rebellion, the money for college -- fatherhood is tough enough; we don't have to strip away its unique mystique of lifelong respect. Beyond the pleasures of watching their seed miraculously develop, fathers who make the family effort need recognition as "head" of a household.


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Frequent challenges to that authority are affirmations, not denials, of its existence; occasional obedience also helps. The expectation of paternal authority -- freely, if grudgingly, given -- goes with the family territory. Lest we forget amid advertising's din, Father's Day is a sadly empty time for many families. Though my father died before I was old enough to know him, I could rely on a strong mother and older brothers for familial guidance; because my own son and daughter know my experience with fatherhood is strictly from the top down, they cut me some sentimental slack on intrinsic authority.

That's because they grasp the way the family's profound allegiance of affection differs from all other forms of control. Dio Chrysostom, an ancient moral preceptor, related a conversation between Philip of Macedon and his young son Alexander, who was being instructed by Aristotle, and was destined to become Alexander the Great, ruler of the entire Western world.

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